I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
