): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
