Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
