I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
