hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
high people should be assigned attendants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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