1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there's paper in my vomit.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize