i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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