Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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