At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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