please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize