Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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