My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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