It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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