oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
