No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
