he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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