I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize