You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
