I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
