oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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