Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
