We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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