After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
