Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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