just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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