I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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