Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
