I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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