I wish I could teleport
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
