Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
