i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
