can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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