pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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