Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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