it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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