She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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