everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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