I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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