She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
