my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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