She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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