Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
