You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
