It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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