Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
