My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
