it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
