I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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