You're my little dorito
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
