I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
