You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
