My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
