Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
