so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
