She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
