you guys were way drunker than both of me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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