you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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