I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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