I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
