I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
