i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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