She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize