"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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