it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
