i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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