She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
