UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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