I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
