she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
