It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
