She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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