Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My feet surprised me
Randomize
