i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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