i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
