just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
