I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
