Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
