There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
