wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
