Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
