The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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