I want to walk on stilts...naked
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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