Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
